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Where am I now?

Where am I now and what the hell do I want?  I find it disturbing to feel this way - not satisfied as to what I am doing, with no idea as to what I want to do.  I will be 55 years old in a few weeks and am just not happy with the direction my life is going. I feel like I'm stuck, not making much progress in my career.  I feel like I am unable to change careers because I am too old, too out of shape, got teens to look after,

Christmas spirit and such

I've been feeling a bit peevish and depressed about the holidays.  I purposefully did not call any of my friends over the past few days just to see who would call me. I usually initiate the calls and greetings but I wanted to see who would call me first.  Well, two people called - one to ask if my walnut tree had any walnuts left and the other to drop off some treats.  I guess that's alright out of maybe 20 folks.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't complain too much.  I have my husband, my kids (somewhat - their teenagers) and my sisters.  Family is what is important.

I'll wait to see who calls next week...

March on Washington for Economic Rights

I've been reading about how the everyday person - like you and me- is being shafted by our government.  We gave AIG a BAILOUT due to it's own mismanagement.  We gave the BANKS $700B to keep them from going under due to their participation in and ELABORATE PONZI SCHEME and now we're giving money to the BIG THREE AUTOMAKERS to keep them from going bankrupt DUE TO THEIR OWN MISMANAGEMENT AND LACK OF FORESIGHT.

So, where are we now????  AIG is continuing to give BIG RETENTION BONUSES or whatever euphamism they want to call it to lackluster and ineffectual managers, while still crying the blues.  The Banks are buying failing banks with the money they were supposed to use to assist STRUGGLING HOMEOWNERS WHO ARE FACING FORECLOSURE and now they want to CHANGE THE CONDITIONS OF THEIR LOAN.  You know, if they re unhappy about the terms of the bailout, THEN GIVE THE MONEY BACK AND SHUT THE HELL UP.

There are people living in tents in their friends backyards, people who are losing their jobs (just in time for Christmas) and people who are being evicted from their homes!  Their stories are all over the blogs and in the newspapers.  And yet, the CEOS, CFOS, COOS, AND WHATEVER OF above named companies are crying the blues, WHILE THEY ARE GETTING THEIR MILLION DOLLAR PAYCHECKS, STOCK OPTIONS AND TAX WRITE OFFS.

What are we waiting for AMERICA???  When are we going to have OUR REVOLUTION?  What is it going to take to make our government realize we are tired of this WELFARE FOR THE RICH?  Instead of that money going to those UNGRATEFUL CORPORATE ENTITIES, it should be coming to us, Mr. and Ms. Everywhere.  We know what to do with it.  We will pay our debts and perhaps... even start up some companies, invest in businesses and the economy is booming!  We could even invent energy efficient cars, solar homes and STIMULATE THE ECONOMY! 

This is very simplistic but, you know, simple may be a good thing. So, I'm ready to march on WASHINGTON to let them know that I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!

I keep messing up...

I don't know what is wrong with me.  I keep screwing up my releationship with my spouse by not being thoughtful.   I just get so caught up in the day to day crap that I forget the small things that make our relationship so special.

Today I almost called him by my ex-husband's name.  I've done this several times over the course of our marriage and I know it upsets Edip.  It upsets me!  I also forget to make him a snack when he comes home late. Edip always fixes me dinner and has never called me by his ex-wife'sname.  I feel like crap right now...  We've or I should say, he's talked tonight.  I just hope that I can fix this thing in my head...  I'm getting tired of it.


My Three-Day StayCation

I’m now in Day Three of my mini-staycation and it’s been an interesting two days.  Monday, I was able to get my car and teeth serviced.  I took myself to lunch and to a movie.  It was a relaxing day for me and I had to keep myself from fretting about ‘getting things done’.  Yesterday, I washed all the towels in the bathrooms which hadn’t been done for three weeks, cleaned up the backyard a bit and took my daughter back-to-school shopping at Burlington Coat Factory.  My daughter introduced me to the next fashion wave: high waist pants – 80’s throw back.  I liked them so much I bought two pair and plan on getting a couple more.  

My husband has become a Mac convert.  The Gateway laptop he was working with downloaded a virus.  It destroyed his hard drive and made the wireless connection unusable.  This is the fifth time he’s had this problem so he decided that the Mac is the way to go.  I’m happy about it.  I gave him my MacBook and purchased a used MacBook Pro for myself.  Discovered there is a program called Parallels that will create a virtual PC desktop environment to allow one to use PC based programs.  I plan to use it with some of the programming applications such as SketchyPhysics and ODE that only use PC computers.

On a political note, I will be so happy when all of the pre-election hoopla is finished.  I feel so helpless when I listen to the progressive news programs because, besides vote and blog, there is not too much I can do.  I know that it’s probably enough in this day and age but I wish I could do more.  

I go back to work tomorrow for a wanda-workday.  I plan to get things ready in the classroom because I know there won’t be enough time on Friday.  I have meetings all day.  The morning will be taken up with a useless computer teacher meeting and the afternoon will be focused on a guest speaker who will talk about how we should work with difficult students in the classroom.  I can’t help but be cynical about this because some of these kids need more help than we can give them.  We are not equipped to deal with their problems, we can’t give them the one-to-one attention they need because class sizes are too large and yet we are expected to somehow uplift them to become functional classroom citizens.  Yeah, right…


Snail Girl

My Miss Muffet is at home for the next two weeks, though she wants it to be three weeks.  She was with me yesterday - I was working at home - and I forgot - teens are as bad as toddlers.  All day - "Mom, can we go to....

- the park
- the mall
- to get her nails done
- the store to get cookies
- to the beauty store to get hair products

She called her dad to come get her to go to the park because I WAS WORKING... I went to lunch and when I returned she was back.  I reminded her to finish her laundry since she has a habit of keeping the washer and dryer hostage.  "Okay Mom, can we go..."

I finally took us to the nail salon after 4pm, her to get her nails done and me to get a pedicure.   Afterwards, it was off to soccer practice for her and Taiko for me.  I left practice early to pick her up only to be told that her coach was driving her home.  When she got home it was, "Mom, could you please warm up my dinner while I wash up from practice?"  I warmed up her dinner and reminded her of her laundry.  Finally, I told her bed time was 10:30.  Her: "But you said 11:00 last night!"  I reminded her that I/we were getting up early today because I have to go to work. 

So we went to bed at 10:30.  At 11:00, she's crying and yelling my name... she heard a noise in the house and was scared.  So we went through the house to check all the doors, to make sure they were locked.  All this time she's saying: "I hate this house.  It's too quiet... I heard noises....  it's too dark... can I have a night light... where's Mr. Edip (her stepfather)"  I finally made her go back to bed, resting beside her.  After a while, she fell back to sleep and I went back to my room.  When Edip got home, about a half hour later, she came bounding out of her room with a shoe.  It seems she heard noises and was going to defend herself with the shoe.  He reassured her and told her to go back to bed.

This morning we both were tired.  I told her that it was the same way with me for the first week and she will get used to the house by that time. That's when she said she wanted to stay for three weeks.  I think I'll be hallucinating from sleep exhaustion if she keeps this up....

DSL Connection

This last glitch in my move has been extremely frustrating.   My DSL connection was to have been set up on Friday.  I moved the modem, had an ATT technician come in and install a phone jack (which I paid for, not included in the service), and made sure there were DSL filters on all the phones.   I called to find out what the was the problem by 4 pm Friday.  I was told that all that needed to be done was for them to throw a switch and we should be on between 7 - 9 pm.  Nine pm came and went and no connection. 

I call on Saturday - the technician had me go through and check all the connections - and said we would be on by 8pm.  Five pm rolls around and there's no connection.  So I call again and is told that the offices are closed and I would be called on Monday morning. 

I didn't wait for them to call me, I called them this morning.  I'm told that they were having difficulty with 324-2990 - which is not my phone number.  I let them know that they had the wrong number and got the infamous 'Oh'.  So, now they have my correct phone number and I'm told phone service will be on this afternoon - all they have to do is "flip the switch".  Yeah, right - I called home this afternoon and it's still not on.  More phone calls... This is so stupid... here we are, living in Silicon Valley, and I can't get my DSL moved from one house in Union City to another house in Union City, less than 3 miles apart.

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It would be funny if I wasn't so pissed...

There are so many things to 'tidy up' after a move.  I'm glad I did this during the summer and not during the school year.  Even working this summer has made it a little easier. 

I arranged for the DirectTV system to be moved to my new home on July 19th.  THe person was scheduled to come between the hours of 1-4.  So, I went to the new home and waited.  One o'clock came around and I called DTV to see what the status of the installation was. I was told that the installer would be there in about 1 1/2 hours AND the installer would call me to let me know how soon he'd be there.    Three o'clock rolled around and I called again to see when the person would show up and was told that he'd be there between 4 & 5.  The guy shows up at 4:15, drunk, dressed in street clothes and flip flops.  He tells me that he was called because there was no installation scheduled for my home.  Yeah, right... So, here's how things progressed:

1. He's not dressed to go under the  house so he asks me if he can change clothes in my garage.
2. He doesn't have all of his equipment and asks to borrow a flashlight, cable cutter and hammer.
3. He constantly complains about having to do his job...
4. Finally, he gets done and leaves.  Meanwhile, he has left my equipment covered with dirt and left it on the couch, left the door to the crawlspace open and cables all over the floor and didn't leave a completed work order with his name.  I wasn't around when he left.
5. I call DirectTV to complain and they refer me to the local offices - which are closed.
6. I get a call from the local office on Sunday - they call my old home and I don't get the message until after 4pm.  I call them immediately and the operator hangs up on me. I call back and get the 'offices are closed' message.

I am going to ask for some kind of compensation and to have the installation checked because I don't know if this guy did the installation correctly.

So, I've been in contact with the local office and am still waiting to lodge my complaint.  I'm hoping the installation of my DSL line and phone tomorrow will be less stressful.

Moving Experience

We moved houses this weekend and it was an interesting experience for everyone.  Saturday, we rented a truck and the 'fun' began.  Three of my husband's 'proteges' came and they put things in bags, boxes, whatever they could find.  Then the moving of the heavy items began. I took all my appliances except for the trash compacter and stove.  I would have taken that too except that my current home does not have a gas hookup for it and my landlord had a new stove installed already.   We discovered that the refrigerator just fit.  Couldn't open the freezer side so my spouse did some creative problem-solving and moved the fridge to the other side of the kitchen.  He sent me off to do errands with my girlfriend, Cynthia, who came to assist.  At the end of the day, Edip and I had an argument when we went to pick up the cats from the old house.  We had a touchy nite, not knowing what to say to each other and I didn't sleep well.  It didn't help that 'insecure kitty' Charly kept meowing because he was in new surroundings. Being angry was not the way I envisioned my first night in this home.  In didn't help that I resented being there due to my circumstances.

We talked and smoothed things out over breakfast Sunday.  The issue for Edip is a culture clash.  He was overwhelmed at the amount of 'stuff' I had, some of which was very old.   He was concerned at the consumer mentality that is rampant in Returned the truck and on the way home, in my car, my Aunt Eunice called to wish us well and give us encouragement.  After she hung up, I burst into tears.  Edip had me pull over because driving became difficult.  He drove us home where I cried for about 20 minutes.  My daughter, Lele, came over and put together her room.  Her 'boyfriend' came over too and helped her out.  Cynthia came back with her husband, Eric. They cleared out the old house of our clothes, boxed up the rest of the kitchen, hall closets, bathrooms and other stuff.  My friends Venice and Mike came over later in the day and began to move items we are disposing of to the street.  Grumpy Jon, another good friend, came by and assisted with the installing of appliances and general handyman stuff.  Throughout the day, the universe kept telling me that this was good move and a positive new beginning.

Last night was a better night - still didn't sleep well due to insecure kitty.  But it was nice that night number two ended on a wonderful note.  Edip thanked me for a good day - lots of hugs, and a feeling of satisfaction.

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Tarot Cards

Tarot DeckI collect Tarot cards just for fun.  Two of my sisters can actually use them for divination, which I can respect.  I just purchased an interesting deck called  the 'Contact' tarot deck.  It's based on extraterrestrial contact.  The creators of the deck are a researcher in extraterrestrial studies and a woman who claims to be an abductee.  I opened it yesterday and had to laugh at the icons they used for the deck.  There are the typical group of aliens, either the 'Grays' with the odd skin and big eyes or the Nordic wonders.  The rest of the iconic symbols were different kinds of space ships, crop circles and finally the planets - those in our solar system.  The instruction book is quite detailed.  I keep wondering what will people think of next to make money off of the fringe elements of society.  I'm surprised that there wasn't an endorsement by Roswell, New Mexico. 

There are so many ways peoples fears and beliefs are exploited.  I fear, in these horrendous economic times, that people will be taken advantage of in horrific ways.  Reports of foreclosure assistance scams are running rampant.  I am amazed and disgusted how predators just appear out of no where when hard economic times or any unbalance in society comes about.  These kinds of actions are inexcusable when we should be looking for ways to help each other.  This characteristic has existed throughout all societies and will probably continue into the future.  The big question is how do we change this way of thinking or do we even try?

Back to Tarot... Tarot has a rich history and has been used in many societies as a form of entertainment and seeking the truth.  Nancy Regan was known to consult and astrologer and Tarot reader.  Who knows how many world events have been swayed by the use of Tarot cards and other forms of divination.  Makes one wonder.

Here are a couple of links that you may find interesting:

Crystalinks.com

Wikipedia Tarot History

Have fun!